I seriously feel like I've been in a fog for the past few weeks. Initially I thought it was due to all the craziness with our 10 day trip to the west coast. When I wasn't feeling different after a week I attributed it to the stressful weekend we just had driving to DC to look for a house. Thankfully, a friend kept the girls for us, but looking at 30 houses in 36 hours is stressful, kids or no kids. Especially when you don't find anything you're willing to make an offer on so essentially you're back where you started...with 30 houses you can cross off the list.
The stress remains in regards to finding a house, but so does the fog. I want to get out of it, to feel sharp and clear and alive. But I feel sluggish, and tired and unmotivated. The beautiful weather and sunny spring afternoons help, but when the sun sets and the sky darkens it seems my mood changes as well. Heck, I'm depressing myself just writing this!
So, reaching back into the cobwebbed filled crevices of my brain where tidbits of insight and knowledge remain from my graduate school days of counseling I think I've diagnosed myself.
I think I'm depressed.
Perhaps not in the clinical Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders type of way...but more in a 'I'm having an ongoing pity party because I don't want to move and leave friends (friends I had to leave 3 years ago when we lived here before) and the thought of starting over makes me sad and compounding that is the fact that we haven't found a new home which makes it hard for me to envision this next phase of life which currently consists of a job for my husband but no house, no friends, no church, no school, no neighborhood, etc.'
That kind of way.
Ironically, in the midst of my funk, I'm completely cognisant of the fact that my mind is telling my heart that I've been here before and that God was/is good and faithful and that I survived and relationships were strengthened and in the end the next chapter of our life was just as fulfilling and exciting as the previous chapter and that the same will probably be true with this next chapter.
But for now I'm stuck in the disconnect of misfiring neurons somewhere between my brain and my heart because the message isn't getting there...must be the fog.
The Air(brush)ing Of Grievances
4 hours ago
7 comments:
I think that is totally understandable. I'm amazed at how military families up and move, and adjust so often. It's got to be hard. Praying for you, and the house being prepared just for you all.
I knew when you left your message earlier today, you didn't sound like your cheerful self! Although this is a stressful time, all your friends are here to support you! We, your friends in NJ, are so thankful you are only moving to DC - a short road trip - that we plan on making every so often or as often as we are invited! :o)
We love you - hang in there!
Melynie, every time I feel that way... but then God proves Himself each time as well. It just plain stinks, yes, to have so many goodbyes, fresh starts, etc... It's not natural!!! It shouldn't be!!! But, as military families... it is life. And we get to meet wonderful people and get reunited with others (even old college friends, right?!). That's the joy in it. I'm sorry you have to leave your NJ loved ones again... and will pray for a house, a school, a neighborhood, a church... for you. Did you know that the zoo and lots of other things in DC are FREE??? That a cool fact I just learned today! Love to you guys and your girls. Praying for your "funk."
Man-they have fog on the East coast, too? That dang stuff.... :) I can totally relate to what you're feeling. You have such great perspective, even in the midst of a challenging time - I admire that so much. I've been in some thick fog myself, and I have noticed that even with a positive and realistic attitude, a large amount of stress can affect me physically, (and I also call it "fog brain.") 30 houses in 36 hours and new schools and new friends and new church? Whew! I agree and validate you by saying is a lot to take in, and it is totally understandable to be feeling depressed. I am lifting you up in prayer, my sister, and I know He will uphold you.....You're SO not alone. I hope you can find rest when you can, and do little things for yourself to feel rejuvenated....
If I may, I also want to say that I read about how B vitamins are good for stress, so I started taking some B-complex vitamins and they really helped me out. I bought a big bottle at Costco, and then a little bottle of some extra B6 at the health food store....
Love you!
First, the pictures are fantastic! When I first pulled up your new page, I just gasped. Love it!
With all you have going on right now I am thinking that you have had to sacrifice your workouts. I have been in some bad "funks" before (and still am sometimes) and even resorted to medication last year-which didn't help. I have started back to the gym and exercise really does help. I was trying to look back in your blog. I remember one of your post that was saying something about your workouts being "your time", something you do just for you. You obviously haven't had time for yourself lately. You need some "me" time. Maybe you can work that in sometime this Summer :)
Thinking of you...
Lisa
Actually, I'm standing here all dressed for the gym and waiting on the girls to finish breakfast so we can leave. 5 of my friends I'm sad to leave joined the gym with me...so I'm still consistent with going, even if my workouts are more social then physical.
I can't get motivated for a triathlon though...I've been avoiding posting about it but maybe when we move I'll get crazy again and decide I'm ready.
Okay... I am thinking that maybe this isn't going to be much encouragement to you but, finally you make me feel normal! See, the way you are feeling- is actually the way I feel about not living near any of my family. I too get caught up in a fog (for different reasons than yours, but still relatively the same thing). Keep your head up and know that like Katie said we are THRILLED that you are ONLY moving to DC. I am thinking we should start planning a girls road trip to DC... then you come and we hit NYC!! :) New memories are yet to be made. We love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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