Was I Loosing Myself, Or Finding Myself?

There is a lot of time to think while swimming. Too much, in fact. I'm within 3 weeks of the Philadelphia Women's Triathlon...ahhh. Actually, feel really ready, antsy as a matter of fact. I'm a little tired of training and just ready to get my competitive juices flowing.

That aside, today during my swim I started to think about how I got here. What led me into this world of triathlons. It all began about a year ago when I was still in my post pregnancy days and my husband had deployed for four months. I felt like I was loosing myself. Loosing my mind. That is when I started using the gym as an escape. It gave me a break. An outlet. One hour a day to myself. An hour well spent. An hour needed.

Initially the daily break was a relief, but eventually it got old. Until I decided that the idea of having a goal greater then weight loss or health alone would help. Competition. A goal. I needed something to achieve to keep me going. A triathlon.

So a year later I'm reflecting about my progress. I've come a long way. A year ago a 5k sounded intimidating...now it's my running minimum. A mile swim sounded impossible...now it's my short day in the pool. A 20 mile bike sounded exhausting...now it's routine. I'm proud of my progress. I would be lying if I didn't admit disappointment that the effort hasn't transformed me into an athletic goddess. I have ten pounds that refuses to leave. However, I feel stronger and in better shape then I have since high school. I feel like I have been a better example to my girls of health and discipline. I feel excited about having something that is completely for me.

So all that made me think about whether or not I fell into this because I was loosing myself at the time or if pursuing this has helped me find myself. If I want to get more analytical one could ask whether I needed to loose myself in order to find myself . Or if I found myself when I lost myself.

Like I said, there is too much time to think when swimming.