Unchanging

Brad left 4 months ago today. A lot has changed in four months. The girls have changed. Baileigh uses words like "incredible" and "amazing." When she is patient enough she can almost tie her shoe. She can sound out 3 letter words. She frequently completes the entire potty process without calling me to "check". Mckenna is a preschooler. She now says "I can do it by myself" and she really can! She is a good big sister and very kind and generous to Brooke. Baby Brooke has achieved a lot of milestones since July including crawling, sleeping through the night, and solid foods. I've changed some, too. I'm a little smaller. A little bit blonder (surprisingly not gray). Probably some new wrinkles. At times I feel a little wiser and stronger...other times I think I'm a little more brain damaged from the experience and exhausted.

It's without doubt that Brad has changed, too. Although, thankfully, he was not physically in combat zones on a daily basis I know that his environment has taken its toll. I know he has seen and heard things he shouldn't or didn't want to. I know he has probably seen death, even if its "just" the transportation of the deceased...I know this can't be done without being an emotional experience that changes someone. I know he experienced being in command and all the trials and challenges it brings and I'm sure it changed him. I know he hasn't had the joy of a big hug or sloppy wet kiss from the kids (or our dogs) in four months. I know we haven't had a conversation longer then 15 minutes in the past 4 months. I know that being limited in our ability to say things to each other has effected our communication and changed us. I know that we'll have a process to work through when we reintegrate to acknowledge all the changes and how we build on them or overcome them.

But a thought that is sticking with me today came to me in the form of a song. After the sermon today at church we had some time of praise and worship. This was a little out of the traditional format of a closing prayer, announcements and dismissal. Instead we spent about 15 minutes just singing and worshipping. I started thinking back to July 9th, the first Sunday I went to church after Brad deployed. I remember I couldn't sing anything that day without starting to cry. There have been a lot of Sundays since then. Sundays when I felt really encouraged by the lyrics of a song. Sundays when I felt heartbroken by the lyrics of a song. Today was my last Sunday at church without Brad, at least for awhile. As I stood there and soaked it all in and thought about the past four months and how things have changed I was thankful that despite the time gone by and the way things are different, God is unchanging.

That is the song we sang today. Unchanging by Chris Tomlin (surprise, a Chris Tomlin song!!! If you attend HP you know what I mean :) All this "stuff" has taken place, but God is unchanging. Not a day during this deployment was He unavailable. Not a day during this deployment was He unaware of our circumstances or our heartache. Not a day during this deployement was I incapable of giving all my burdens over to Him if I was just wise enough to get that! Not a day during this deployment did He miss the innocent prayers of my girls as they asked God to take care of their Daddy and bring him home soon. And not a day was He not there for Brad despite his feelings of isolation and desperation.

So today, on this last Sunday of the deployment...officially four months to the date he left, I am reminded and thankful that I can count on one thing that doesn't change.

Unchanging - by Chris Tomlin
Great is Your faithfulness
Great is Your faithfulness
You never change
You never fail, O God

True are Your promises
True are Your promises
You never change
You never fail, O God

So we raise up holy hands
To praise the Holy One
Who was and is and is to come

Wide is Your love and grace
Wide is Your love and grace
You never change
You never fail, O God

You were, You are You will always be