My Thoughts

I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's funny how sometimes this blog feels like the most comfortable forum for me to voice my thoughts and other times I just want to be alone in my head to wrestle with things.

It's sad that it takes tragedy to remind me of my own finiteness and the truth of the reality that we're not promised tomorrow. I've been fortunate to have a lot of wise people in my life that have ministered to my heart in various ways this past week and have helped me use my confusion and anger to strengthen my mustard seed faith.

A friend emailed me an excerpt from a book that reminded me of the necessity for faith in my life, despite circumstances that make absolutely no sense when seen through our tunnel vision:

I call My people to LIVE BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT. Sometimes that will be frightening: like diving into water so deep that is seems bottomless. You need utter trust in Me to push through your fear into those unknown depths. After diving in , though, your buoyant body will gradually rise to the surface. You keep swimming till you're exhausted. When you can go on no longer, you begin to sink. However, just before your head goes under, your feet touch something solid! You realize My hands are beneath your feet. I am your refuge and dwelling place; underneath are the everlasting arms.

As for God, his way is perfect.....He is a shield for all who
take refuge in him. 2 Samuel 22:31

We live by faith, not by sight.
2 Corinthians 5:7

The eternal God is your refuge and dwelling place,and underneath
are the everlasting arms.
Deuteronomy 33:27

I have read a lot of the Psalms this week and am reminded in its words that others before me have experienced the same questions and emotions. In my grief, a friend also reminded me of the Bible story of Jesus and Lazarus. There are really only a handful of accounts of Jesus crying in the Bible. One such scenario is when Lazarus died. Jesus saw the weeping and wailing of those who loved Lazarus and he was troubled and he cried, too. That is easy to just read and dismiss...but really think about it for a minute. Jesus, Holy even as a man on earth, showed that he cares enough for us to weep with us in our sorrows. That God not only loves me unconditionally and cares about me personally...but he grieves with me!

While I've been trying to wrap my brain around all that stuff I've continually been reminded by something that our pastor said at the Christmas Eve service a few weeks ago. His son-in-law of only a few months was in a serious car accident just the week prior. He flipped his SUV and it rolled several times. He was fortunate enough to walk away from the accident relatively unscathed. However, there was a period of time when nobody knew his status or whereabouts. He had last been heard from on the cell phone with his mother when he started to yell and then the phone went dead. In those long hours before he was able to call home from the hospital the family wondered and worried about his fate.

Our pastor talked about all the thoughts and scenarios running through their heads as they waited. He worried that his son-in-law had been killed. He thought about his daughter going from a newlywed to widow in her young twenties. He wondered what he would say to the congregation on Christmas Eve if they were in the midst of such a tragedy. As he grappled for answers the realization came to him that regardless of the circumstances, the situation didn't change anything about God! The circumstances for his son-in-law's physical well being may change. His daughter's marital status may change. The family unit may change and the challenges and struggles and issues they would face would change.

But God did not change.

Nothing changes Him. He is not more or less faithful to us despite our lack of understanding or confusion or anger. He does not love us more or less based on the size of our faith. He does not care about our circumstances more or less on any given day. God's goodness is not determined by the joy or tragedy of our circumstances. I believe that. I don't always feel it. But I know it in my heart and believe it's truth.

God does not change.

The Pedersen's family is forever changed. It happened in such a tragic and heartbreaking manner that shakes the faith of the strongest believers. But God's love and concern and awareness for Jim, Carrie, Ashley and Lucas and those now grieving them didn't increase or decrease on January 6, 2008. There was no need for him to care more about them in that circumstance then any day prior. He didn't need to change because his love and compassion and grace and concern and acceptance and peace and forgiveness and whatever else you can think of are never lacking. God does not change.

Thank God, literally, that he is steadfast even in our most turbulent times of life. His love and concern for Jim and Ashley and their family will not diminish over this next year as they begin to grieve and heal and transition into the reality of their lives. He will not be any different when I, or you, face another trial or tragedy in the future. He will be there to listen when I vent. He won't retaliate when I'm angry. He'll relate to me when I cry. He will listen to me when I call.

God does not change.