Lame Comments

I have a friend who is an Army wife. Her husband left today for a year. What do you even say to that? It helps me with my daily quest for perspective. I've actually met two women in the past month who have husbands deployed for a year...not by accident, I get it God.

Even though I am a military spouse, I still don't feel like it. You would think that the reality of Brad being gone for four months would be enough. I guess I've just always had a lot of preconceived ideas about military families and never saw myself fitting into that concept.

So as I sit here with 10 years of service under my belt and in the midst of a deployment, you would think that I would start to feel like a military wife. Where am I going with my rambling? I'm not sure to be honest. I guess I've just been thinking empathetically all day for my friend and hoping she doesn't hear the lame comments that people make with the best of intentions.

"I don't know how you do it."
"I could never do that!"
"Oh, I can't even imagine."

Yet I confess I've thought all those things today on her behalf. I'm smart enough to not say them. I've heard them myself. If people really analyzed these comments would they say them...

"I don't know how you do it." Do you think we have a guidebook and a survival plan for single parenting while our spouse is deployed. There probably is something out there very similar to that description published by Family Support Services...but I don't see that guidebook dealing with sibling rivalry, crying kids at night, and changing dirty diapers.

"I could never do that!" Do you think I debated between marrying someone in the military or someone working in a cubicle and decided to go the adventurous route with hopes that we could be separated for long periods of time to test our strength and resilience?

"Oh, I can't even imagine!" Difficulty with that comment is that we can't either...so when you stand there and say things like that it only emphasizes to us the desperation of the current situation and increases the crapiness one was already feeling.

I admit that in my opinion most of the civilian population is really in a quandary because to say these lame comments that really only make them feel more comfortable with the situation is pointless while at the same time to not acknowledge the deployment makes us think your pretty self-centered and cold hearted.

So I'm stepping off my soapbox now. Perhaps it was to an audience of one. I have no answer. Deployments still suck. I guess I feel better though venting on behalf of my friend because I know there really isn't anything I can do to help or change the situation for her. So Lynn, it really sucks and I'm sorry.