A new hat

Its been a hectic but fun few days as we've had Brad's entire family at our house for Thanksgiving weekend. The last of the guests have just left for the airport and its amazing how quiet and empty my house feels despite being home with a three year old, an eight month old and piles of neglected laundry.

So its time to switch modes...to transition from host to housewife. But I'm also making another transition this week...to speaker. On Wednesday morning I'll be driving to NJ to participate in an annual women's Christmas banquet hosted by my former church. For the past two years I've had the honor of being the emcee for the event. This year, somehow...only God knows how (literally), I've been asked to be the speaker. Although this opportunity should have me feeling excited and humbled...in reality, its felt like a thorn in my side that has had me terrified.

There, I admit it.

I feel so much guilt over the fact that God has given me this amazing opportunity and yet I want nothing more then to have it be a part of history. And yet, at the same time...I'm hoping that once its in hindsight I'll be feeling the void of having this on my plate and perhaps pondering when and where I could possibly speak again.

Doesn't make any sense, huh...I know, its totally contradictory. What is even more of a contradiction is that my talk is entitled, 'How God can use ordinary people to do miraculous things"...and yet I sit here and doubt His ability to use ordinary me on Wednesday and Thursday night to reach any of these women.

So...I anticipate this week to be a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. I appreciate my husband being patient with me as I have prepared for this event and supporting me by taking leave to keep the girls while I'm gone this week. If you've read this and think of it, I would covet your prayers this week that I wouldn't be my own obstacle, but that God would be able to use me in spite of myself.