Perspective

Ahhhh...finally, me time. This is truly the first of it today, which isn't too unusual since the kids stopped taking naps. We still have "quiet time"...but frequently that is an oxymoron.

Today was rough. Our worst yet since Brad's departure. Primarily thanks to Mckenna. I wish I was naive enough to think that in a few weeks when we exit the terrible two's that these types of days would cease to exist. Of all my girls...we will clash heads the most in the future. Of all my girls, she is the most like me!

During "quiet time" I was recognizing my fragile mental state and the fact that if I didn't find at least 20 minutes of childless time I was really going to loose my cool, again. So I closed all the bedroom doors, turned off every monitor, turned up some music, and grabbed a drink and went out on the patio to read (not that kind of drink...although it may have helped today). I was anxious to look at my alumni magazine from Taylor University. It always takes me back.

I loved my college experience at TU. Taylor is the definition of "community". If that doesn't make sense to you then you've never been to Taylor. But it wasn't all fun and games...although there was a ton of it. It was also a time in life when my parent's marriage was disintegrating. When my self image was in shambles and I struggled with bulimia, when my Spiritual life was questioning everything I had ever thought to be true. But actually because of those struggles and the depth of the relationships I was formulating, and the bond I was developing with lifelong friends, and the amazing opportunities I had before me for spiritual growth...I loved my college experience at TU.

So finally a few minutes to hopefully escape (despite the noise I hear through the windows upstairs...mental note, turn music up louder next time). I began to read. I began to cry. This issue was dedicated in memory to the students that had died in the accident on April 26. This tragedy made national news when it was discovered that two of the girls identities had been mistakenly switched, and in actuality one girl, Whitney Cerak, thought to be dead was alive in the hospital while the other girl, Laura VanRyn, who was thought to be in a coma in the hospital had actually been buried by the other girls family.

I have been reading the blog of Witney Cerak, but to read the perspective of the Taylor community as they dealt with the event brought me to tears. There were letters from self proclaimed "non-believers" as far away as Australia who had heard of the story and been following the blog and were moved and baffled by the faith demonstrated by the university and the families involved. Stranger after stranger mentioned that the faith of the families was the overwhelming feature of the blog:

"I wish I shared your faith."
"It is obvious that you have something so special there and I wish I did too."
"I came here (blog) saddened over your terrible circumstances and such a dreadful way to lose your daughter and troubled by the hard time you have been through...and yet here I am, wishing I had what you have. How can that be?"

Wow. Powerful stuff!

No talk of lawsuits. No finger pointing. No one jumping at the chance to sell their story for a few minutes of fame. Just students and families exhibiting an indescribable peace and faith that is truly only the manifestation of a solid faith in a God who has called us to obedience and trust, even when the way is uncertain, the path is dark and the challenge is great. As C.S. Lewis puts it, "I know now Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away."

Perspective.

As I read in attempts to escape my day...I was humbled at the fact that I've been blessed with 3 children that had tried my patience all day. That I am 32 and have experienced true love, the miracle of birth, the joy of mothering, a personal relationship with my maker. That I was given this day, as it's never promised or guaranteed. That I have my health and freedom to sit here and be humbled by my immaturity and my mustard seed faith.

Perspective.